i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
