Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
