So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
