I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
