I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
