I'm gonna have a badass scar
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
