After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
