I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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