i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I want a musical about memes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
