just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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