Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
