Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
