covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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