God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
