So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
