Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
