Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
