I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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