Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
