She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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