currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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