Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's blow job season.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
