She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize