I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm really busy with my period
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