I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
