How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
