The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
