I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
