Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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