I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
