If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
only if we run a train.
done.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You had me at "let me see your balls"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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