Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize