Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
