Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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