Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
