your parents love me but you hate me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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