I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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