I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
