I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
