pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize