the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
