i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
