YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize