Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
