He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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