I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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