shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
