The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize