found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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