sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
