Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
