I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
