She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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