Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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