i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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