my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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