I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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