Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
