oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
