someone get that fucking seahorse.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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