I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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