I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize