remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
