Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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