Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
