He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
