Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
