In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize