I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
