I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize