Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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