I think I am morally bankrupt
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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