# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
