I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
