I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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