Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
