two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
the liver wants what the liver wants
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
