You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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