there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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