ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
