it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
