I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
