I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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