Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
