I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
True but thats because hes a fetus.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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