doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
