omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
