And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
