We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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