I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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