I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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