Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
