its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
