Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
