Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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