does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
